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Tuesday 22 October 2019

Creative writing - In The Navy

Title: In The Navy
USS Nimtz, Somewhere in the Pacific Ocean
‘This is Supercat One. Ready to go, Cat One.’
‘Supercat One you are cleared to go.’
‘Cleared to go, Supercat One’
The F-18 shot across the deck as steam spat everywhere. Just another take-off
for the Supercat Naval Squadron. Then suddenly. Clang, scrap, bang! 
‘Fire crews to the deck! Fire Crews to the deck!’
‘Get a search party in the water now!’
Supercat One, starts skating on it left-wing across the deck, catching fire and drops
into the water
‘What happened?’
‘The tank fell off.’
‘Did he get out?’
‘I didn’t see any ejections.’
‘Supercat Two this is Nimtz, shut down the engines and return to your cabin.’
So the two pilots in Supercat 2, Terry townsend and Chris Mortimer, did as they were
told and hoped out
‘Terry, did you see that crash.’
‘Something tells me they didn’t survive that.’
A while later
‘Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen. Unfortunately Commander Harrison Scott and Lieutenant
Commander Jack Martin have been killed during an incident that took place on the carrier
deck this morning. The cause of the accident has been put down to a faulty fuel tank
mounting on the left side that took out the landing gear on that side and exploded.
They weren’t able to eject as they were still connected to the CAT. It shot them into
the ocean at 200 mph and trapped them there. It has been decided that all pilots will
move up one spot and the official new leader of Supercat Squadron will be Lieutenant
Commander Terry Townsend. Morti you will still fly with him, but as Supercat One.
Juicebox and Cassie you will be Supercat Two and so-on and so-forth.’
‘Wait I can’t lead this squadron, I’m not ready.’
‘Well, I suggest you become ready. First Mission is tomorrow at 0845, briefing at 0800.’ 
‘I've only been in this squadron for 2 years.’
‘Pyro, we’ve all only been in this squadron for two years, it’s brand new. Besides, you didn’t
like the way that Groover ran things, so maybe you can change it up a bit.’
They pull into their bunk area
Juicebox then walks up to the pair
‘I look forward to being under your command sir!’
‘I look forward to bossing your ass around, as you were. Also keep your stuff on your
side we like to keep ours clean. Where's your RIO?’
‘Cassie is in a different bunk, with the rest of the girls.’
‘Oh right I forgot. Well then be as messy as you want, but only on your side.’
‘Sure thing sir.’
‘Cassandra Lopez reporting to the captain.’
‘Ah, hello. Welcome to our humble home.’
‘I look forward to our mission tomorrow, but can you give me some insight to what it is.’
‘I can. Tomorrow at the briefing.’
‘See you then sir.’
‘We will.’
The next day
‘Welcome to the first day under my command. Unfortunately I haven’t lead a mission,
but this one is critical. We will be going into Burjanistanian territory to sort out some
fighters that have been causing trouble.’

4 comments:

  1. Great writing, Logan!
    You use snappy pieces of dialogue to hook the audience with tension.
    So, you don't want to interrupt it too much, but next you could try to be more descriptive of the action as well. "Something tells me they didn't survive that." Can you add more detail to what happened? Perhaps try a simile while you're at it.
    "It was as if..."
    "It looked like..."

    ReplyDelete
  2. As for the dialogue in second part, you should make it clear who says each line to start.
    "dasdasdjasjdla" cried Abby.
    "djlaskdjlasd;sldasaa" responded Martin
    "sdasldkasjldjask"
    "adlksjdkljas''
    "askldjslakdjas"
    "sdaklsjdaskljda"

    (It's clear that Abby and Martin are continuing the conversation above. But if I add a third person I need to make it clear)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I like how your thinking outside the box or should I say blog as I notice that the words quite literally go outside the blog

    ReplyDelete
  4. looking good Logan well done excellent piece of writing

    ReplyDelete

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